For many of us, friendships are everything, our life blood. I think nearly everyone has experienced great losses in their lifetime, though; we've all been burned with a friend who we had grown attached or trusted with our heart. It is incredibly hard to trust again, build new friendships, and love people again once you have been scorched badly a time or two. When my mate of over 10 years walked out on me right before Christmas, I went into panic mode: afraid to complete anything that might scare away the few other close and lasting friends that I have, worried that I'd be left alone in the dark before long. I was certain that nothing would be the same again, that I would never be able to stand tall again and brave the world alone. After all, how does one get over this type of loss?
Sometimes things fall under our lives when and how we least expect them in ways that may seem completely random or unexplainable by form of logic or science known to man. Personally, I am an adamant believer in fate; I think that many things in our lives happen through some form of “divine intervention” to give us the boost we need or to send us an indication when we are finding ourselves in doubt. Sometimes these types of luck can come in the way of something simple like finding $5 inside a pair of jeans on a day when you really need it. Other times, these strokes of serendipity can come from people and restore our faith in humanity, letting us find ourselves again, allowing us to believe and befriend again.
The thing about fate, though, is that we must be willing to relinquish our desire to have control in order for it to work. We have to let go and let the chips fall where they might. If you are a control freak and perfectionist like me, this can be a very difficult task.
When we elect to be willful and stubbornly fight against the universe, all we're really doing is hurting ourselves. When we fight the forces of nature for control and resist our fate, we quite often find ourselves exhausted, breathless, and broken. We question if the world is working against us, much more reality it is that we are working against what we really need. Just like trying to carry more groceries than you are able to handle, trying to wield the universe for your wishes simply doesn't work, also it usually results in a negative outcome, like dropping a gallon of milk and watching it pour on your driveway. Sometimes, all that we can do is take a deep breath and go on blind trust, knowing that everything happens for any reason. Everything in this moment is exactly as it should be.
For me, this blind trust in the fate of the cosmos began with beginning to submit my writing for publication, something which I'd never previously did without the support of a friend. Finding myself at rock bottom, with nothing to lose and nobody to go to for that “friendly push,” I made a decision I'd take a gamble and send a number of my mental health pieces towards the Mighty. I trusted the universe, and it provided in more ways than I'd imagined. For starters, my writing was accepted, published, and got a lot of response. Also through this dive into writing, I became acquainted with an incredible person with fabulous writing skills.
Have you ever found a person that you simply “click” with? We've probably had that experience of finding someone that you instantly find it easy to chat, so comfortable that you would have thought you'd known each other for years instead of weeks. You find that you have so much in common, as if you were destined for friendship.
My new writing acquaintance became among those people for me: I found myself fascinated with her, reeled in by learning all that random things that we have in keeping and all that she has familiar with her life. I didn't find it hard to talk to her or even really everything difficult to trust her and become myself.
I could have simply avoided the universe here or pushed back with strong refusal, but something within me could feel the cosmos saying to go forward, to trust. As a result, I found myself flourishing in this new friendship, however in other ways as well. It's similar to when you start to trust, the clouds part and you find the sunshine, even if it comes down and goes and you don't always determine if you are really listening. Pain is unavoidable; loss is unavoidable. In those moments of great pain, though, there is yet another sign of something better down the road. We just have to stop, we simply have to feel the breeze, we just have to listen.
I can now say that without a doubt there is a reason this amazing friend has entered my life when she did. She's given me amazing advice, incredible inspiration, solid and genuine encouragement, as well as some great laughs (there was a memorable typo she made which i laughed about for entirely too long after the fact). We all need a friend such as this in our lives, and those people that have one are so incredibly lucky. We sometimes just have to let our guard down, be considered a little vulnerable, relinquish control, and trust that fate has our back.
Previously Published on Thought Catalog
