As someone that has always been a people pleaser, the thought of seeing things as they really are has consistently been something which terrifies me. I either consciously or subconsciously decide to ignore what a person is really just so I can see the best in them. If someone treats me badly, it's almost as if I intentionally blind myself to it just so that I can see them an alternative way – so that maybe I can help them and they won't do that anymore.

My mother says that I see the world through rose colored lenses.

I accustomed to get upset with her when she'd say things like this to me. I would stand up for the person that she was referring to. However, while being bold them, I would be drowning with them in whatever negative habit it is that was originally worrying her.

I realize I've put myself via a lot more than I needed to in order to try to “rescue” someone.

Maybe I don't always have to be the rescuer.

I've never been a person to set a “New Year's Resolution,” but this year was different. This season, my resolution is to end up being the best version of myself will be able to be. I look at myself now and that i feel disappointment. I've let myself get dragged around, beaten down, and torn apart by people who I've been trying to help.

People walk on me, and in doing this they've taken advantage of not only me, but my family as well. My family is full of forgiving people that can give out endless chances. The other day, I was on the phone with my mother, and she said, “I'm just tired of having my heart ripped out trying to save people.”

While she's many, many more years of experience about this than I do, I can connect with her.  

I'm tired of trying to save people who don't care. It gets exhausting putting your heart and soul into a person just to have them stomp on it and walk away. It's not my job to save the world.

I am setting this goal personally, and I'm not viewing it as being a goal to kickoff 2021. It will likely be a longterm life skill I will be working on. I don't have to save everyone in the world. If someone is struggling, I can make a choice to help, or I can make a choice to walk away. I'll always be the type of person that wants to help everyone,  but that is MY choice.

I don’t want to be walked all over anymore.

Nor do I want to be hurt anymore. struggle anymore, and I don't want to fight just to think that everyone is good anymore. I want to surround myself with people that genuinely care, that genuinely love and want to be in my life.

As someone that's always been a people pleaser, I've realized maybe it's time to take a step back and permit myself to grow as a whole. I plan to do this by not investing so much time in other people and focusing on myself. Maybe this change can result in me being the best version of myself. I have hopes, I have dreams, and I have stuff that I know that I can accomplish. I've notify people drag me down and tell me that my wishes were silly or stupid and I'm not going to accept that anymore. I will become the person that I should have and may have been from the very start.

Photo by Kevin Wolf on Unsplash